We Are the Lonely

What does being an introvert mean to me?

It’s a big part of my personality, and obviously dictates the way I interact with the world around me. I think it’s gotten worse as time went by. Most people would probably think an introvert person equals a shy person. That’s not entirely true though. I don’t see myself as being shy, it has more to do with anxiety – being around a group of people I don’t know makes me uncomfortable. The truth is, when I meet someone for the first time, I generally don’t like them.

As for my social circle, I have a few friends I like hanging out with, and it satisfies me. I don’t have the energy to maintain friendships or any sort of contact with casual friends, and truthfully, I don’t want to. It becomes a burden. I have no problem going straight home after work and go online, watch TV or even read a book.

And most of the time, it’s just fine. Other times, such as lately, not so much. There’s this guy, we’ve known each other for 6 years. He’s the kind that surrounds himself with friends, always has something to do and always on the go. It’s beyond me.

I guess we’re at the beginning of a romantic relationship, it could go either way – there’s a conversation to be had, or as we say in Hebrew – שיחת יחסינו לאן – a “where are we headed” kind of talk. I’m getting to the point now – How am I supposed to fit into his world? Would he be able to balance his ton of friends and social obligations AND me? I’m not willing to come second. I just feel so socially retarded compared to him.

So I’m socially awkward at times, maybe by choice. It depends on the mood I’m in. Now I’m concerned – should I be more active about meeting new people and actually giving them a chance? How will I ever meet someone (romantic someone) when I’m so unwilling to step outside my comfort zone?

Loneliness gets worse as you get older, so I better do something about it.

I read Cristian Mihai’s post – The Perks of Being a Writer. He ended it with a Tennessee Williams quote: “To be lonely in a world where all are lonely, it would be inexcusably selfish to be lonely alone.” – and it makes me feel much better.

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14 thoughts on “We Are the Lonely

  1. First of all, thank you VERY much for your comment. You have sincerely made my day. Secondly, you are extremely good at describing things! In this post I have found multiple stuff I have never been able to figured out about myself until now.

  2. Introverts the world over feel the same as you. I too am an introvert and I too am not shy – my energy just gets drained faster by being around people. Being alone is where I re-energize so that I can go back out in the world to engage. The brains of introverts are just wired differently. We process the world around us within while our extroverted counterparts process without. Ever read a book called Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking? If not, I highly recommend it. There is a great section on introvert and extrovert relationships. I think it boils down to just being really accepting of our quirks. I too only have a few close friends and that will never change. They know me and my introverted tendencies. That doesn’t mean I haven’t had wild, long nights out with them. It just means that when I do, I need to be alone for a couple of weeks to recharge. :) The best thing to do is talk about who you are and that includes being an introvert. There is nothing wrong with that. The Quiet book really empowered me and more people are understanding the differences.

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  6. So thought provoking Alpheba, I know where you’re coming from. I wonder if we are all quite shy underneath but some can hide it and appear gregarious. I find it quite stressful at times meeting new people especially if it isn’t my choice to but do have the ability to socially shine when I’d rather be at home. Loved the little insight into your Jewish culture. Alan

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