What does being an introvert mean to me?
It’s a big part of my personality, and obviously dictates the way I interact with the world around me. I think it’s gotten worse as time went by. Most people would probably think an introvert person equals a shy person. That’s not entirely true though. I don’t see myself as being shy, it has more to do with anxiety – being around a group of people I don’t know makes me uncomfortable. The truth is, when I meet someone for the first time, I generally don’t like them.
As for my social circle, I have a few friends I like hanging out with, and it satisfies me. I don’t have the energy to maintain friendships or any sort of contact with casual friends, and truthfully, I don’t want to. It becomes a burden. I have no problem going straight home after work and go online, watch TV or even read a book.
And most of the time, it’s just fine. Other times, such as lately, not so much. There’s this guy, we’ve known each other for 6 years. He’s the kind that surrounds himself with friends, always has something to do and always on the go. It’s beyond me.
I guess we’re at the beginning of a romantic relationship, it could go either way – there’s a conversation to be had, or as we say in Hebrew – שיחת יחסינו לאן – a “where are we headed” kind of talk. I’m getting to the point now – How am I supposed to fit into his world? Would he be able to balance his ton of friends and social obligations AND me? I’m not willing to come second. I just feel so socially retarded compared to him.
So I’m socially awkward at times, maybe by choice. It depends on the mood I’m in. Now I’m concerned – should I be more active about meeting new people and actually giving them a chance? How will I ever meet someone (romantic someone) when I’m so unwilling to step outside my comfort zone?
Loneliness gets worse as you get older, so I better do something about it.
I read Cristian Mihai’s post – The Perks of Being a Writer. He ended it with a Tennessee Williams quote: “To be lonely in a world where all are lonely, it would be inexcusably selfish to be lonely alone.” – and it makes me feel much better.